Chapter 10: 101 Status messages i will never post on "Facebook", but maybe on "Twitter"! Part 1!

1. Timothy Gillespie is glad he joined the Mormon religion!
2. Timothy Gillespie always feels beautiful while wearing Channel!
3. Timothy Gillespie really enjoined that meeting of the "Conservative Voters of America!" Sarah Palin gives a great speech!
4. Timothy Gillespie, the Vegan diet is going great!
5. Timothy Gillespie, It is so tiring having to date two "Victoria Secret" models at once!
6. Timothy Gillespie Loved the Tripe from last night!
7. Timothy Gillespie i am Finlay doing it everyone! I am getting Married! I am so lucky to have found Troy!
8. Timothy Gillespie is glad they still let me "Facebook" in prison!
9. Timothy Gillespie A list of reasons the "Twilight" series is better than "Lord of the Rings": number 1....
10. Timothy Gillespie I am glad i learned to love my job at the bank, that whole Theater thing was childish!
    
11. (I am going to stop writing my own name, i think you get it) That Kayne is so humble!
12. I was scarred at first but i am loving the nipple piercings! The Prince Albert on the other hand, i mean, the swelling makes me feel more confident, but the horrible pain while i pee blood is a bit unpleasant!
13. I really should listen to my parents more, they are always right! (Even if it were true i would never admit it!)
14. I really enjoyed Tom Cruise performance in the film!
15. I really enjoyed Tom Cruise in that very level headed interview.
16. I really enjoyed having sex with Tom Cruise.
17. I am being arrested for stalking Tom Cruise.
18. Well i have completely recovered from surgery! and am happy to say Timothy is dead and long live Sheryl Tompkins!
19. So happy i moved to Wisconsin!
20. I am so glad Carrot-Top won the Oscar! He deserved it this year!
21. Watching the View is the cornerstone of my existence!
22. Keanu Reeves and Gary Busey are back together again in "Point Break 2: The Search for a cure for Pancreatic Cancer!"
    
23. What too soon? ( IN relation to the previous one :)
24. Why is it i can't stop masturbating to Hillary Clinton? And do i wanna stop?
25. I love doing musicals!
26. The Holocaust is about as real, as William Shattners hair! *Just a reminder, these are status messages i will never post. keep that in mind :)
27. So i am heading out to my vacation in Burma, i will see you all when i get back!
28. Reread "War and Peace" yesterday...
29. Been training real hard for my match with Brock Lesnar next week! Wish me luck!
30. Still breathing through a straw after my fight with Brock lesnar last month, but my Doctor says that if i keep working hard i will be able to shit myself in a couple years!

That is it for now! Stay tune for part two, coming soon!

Chapter 9: The New Profile for F'in Eharmony! ;)

Here is my new profile, tell me what you think, make suggestions or maybe even create your own profile to share! Be well people! :) "Its fun to fuck around, life is to serious."

1. What are you most passionate about?

Hunting, there is nothing more exciting in this world then being alone in the woods and taking down a prize winning buck. Not to be crass but i think it might actually be better then sex. Sex is very common but a great skill is rare and takes great skill.

2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
1. H.G.C. Custom Remington 700 .280 the best rifle!
2. My ATV
3. The guys at the club, they are like brothers.

3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?

My Grandfather who taught me the joys of taxidermy.

4. The four things your friends say about you are:

• Ambitious
• Affectionate
• Spontaneous
• Passionate

5. What are your BEST life-skills?

• Leading a community service group
• Understanding local, national, and world events
• Sharing my beliefs through teaching, participation, and example

6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?

I need someone who can help organize my life, and take care of me like my mother used. Someone who finds joy in cooking and cleaning for a hardworking blue collar man. Also a kickin' bod would be pretty sweet to!

7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?

I make all my own clothes from all natural stuff, like wool cotton hemp and of course animal pelts. I am always receiving compliments on my attire.

8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?

My glass eye, nobody seems to mention it. I think it looks good, but nobody mentions it, they just avoid eye contact.

9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?

I work on my blog entitled "The White Will". That takes up allot of my time.

10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"

a. My fishing gear
b. Bacon
c. Ring dings
d. Garth Brooks
e. my thimble collection?

11. Describe the last book you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?

Glenn Beck's "Common Sense", Now there is a guy who gets it!

12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know.

I love all people and all cultures, as long as the hunt!

Chapter 8: My eharmony Profile! part I

You may find this hard to believe but I occasionally fall victim to those very human emotions that doom all the rest of you. I know you are shocked to learn this. Well a few months ago I was feeling lonely, and in feeling lonely i decided to give one of those fancy web dating services a try. I choice Eharmony because it seemed the most interesting with it's supposed personality test and so forth. Well after a few months in i can safely say that this site is a huge waste of money and also that everyone in America really only cares about looks. Not that this was news to me, but people will often argue this point with me and no matter the evidence i leave piled at there feet they insist on disputing it, never the less, this is my eharmony profile:

1. What are you most passionate about?

All forms of art, whether it be writing, music, or any performance style. Being involved in the creative process is very important to me and is what i live for. i also love spending time with my nieces and nephews, and trying to teach my self to live a healthier life.

2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
1. The many opportunities to work in the theater with some very talented people
2. My many friends
3. My amazing nieces and nephews.

3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?

My mentors in the theater, who are always pushing me to do my best and work harder each and every time.

4. The four things your friends say about you are:

• Intelligent
• Perceptive
• Good Listener
• Funny

5. What are your BEST life-skills?

• Using humor to make friends laugh
• being a good friend and companion
• making art and culture an ongoing part of my life

6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?

A passion for something, it doesn't matter what as long as they are into it heart and soul. also a sense of humor, it is very important to be able to laugh when spending time with me.

7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?

My height or would that be part of appearance? My sense of humor, and my understanding nature.

8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?

My big heart

9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?

I enjoy spending my free time watching or playing sports with friends. I also enjoy reading, or watching a great movie. I also enjoy going out with friends, enjoying music and just talking.

10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"

a. The theater
b. my family
c. my friends
d. music
e. my thimble collection?

11. Describe the last book you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?

Not really a book, but the last thing i read was Hamlet, for the 100th time. What can i say about the greatest play ever written other then: i find something new and wonderful in it every time i read it. What a Masterpiece.

12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know.

I am tougher than you would think, but also nicer.


So OK this was the profile i had going for me, and let's be honest it sucks. This is not me at all. Maybe some weird family friendly G-rated version of Timothy Gillespie, but no where near the truth. So give it a good read and leave comments because tomorrow i am changing the profile to really reflect who i am. Because in the end it doesn't matter at all. If I put a picture up i get no responses, or at least no responses from women under 35. But when i take off my picture i get quite a few responses, the problem they then ask for a picture and when i share one it is over. Oh well ti was never a great plan. lol. Talk to you tomorrow.

PS- anyone who might think of writing in because i sound like i am being really self deprecating with the whole picture thing, don't. I am in no way upset about it, i have never been photogenic and i am much thicker skinned then to be offended by the people on Eharmony.

Chapter 7: A conversation with my Gall Bladder!

GB: This place is filthy! When was the last time you came in here?

TG: It has been a year. A lot has happened since then. You used to be inside of me.

GB: Yeah well those days are over now, sorry. Should i be sorry? I am not really sure, this is all very weird.

TG: I know, it is weird for me too. But i feel i need to reconcile some things, and you are the best ...person to help me do that.

GB: Wow, that is deep. I don't really know what i can do for you. I am just a symbol, well no, actually i was once a small pouch that sat for 32 years under your liver, but now i am a symbol for your mistakes. Oh! so that is what you want to talk about, your mistakes.

TG: No, actually i am quiet through talking about my mistakes. I have spent all my life talking at great length about my mistakes, and it has changed nothing. No i want to talk about, nothing.

GB: Nothing?

TG: Yes, nothing.

GB: Makes perfect sense, in all the time you have talked about everything you have done nothing. So you figure if you talk about nothing you will do everything. It will never work.

TG: Why?

GB: You Know why.

TG: I don't, not anymore.

GB: It always bothered me when you would play dumb. You are to smart for tricks Tim. You are not one to fall for reverse psychology or any other trick your self into doing the right thing, plan.

TG: Where have you been?

GB: Yeah, a subject change is a good idea, things are getting to heavy. After i was removed, i was brought down to the medical waste disposal area, or what ever they call it. They had intended to put me in a plastic bag and dump me into the "Special" trash when i just left.

TG: You just left?

GB: Yeah. It was a busy day in the hospital that day, people were in and out all afternoon. Nobody was going to notice if i just walked out the door.

TG: Wow! Where did you go then?

GB:Europe. I felt it was going to be hard for me to find acceptance here in America so i went to Europe. Spent most of my time in France. Beautiful country, and the people there get a bad rap, they are OK. I mean someone of them are assholes but you can say they same thing about New York!

TG: God, is that true. I would love to go someday.

GB: You should, but you never will.

TG: What, why not.

GB: Because you spend too much time thinking and planing, you are far from impulsive. I don't say this as an insult, quiet the contrary actually. Even when you seemingly make a rash decision it something you have thought about, you just think fast.

TG: I suppose. Well i am glad you stopped back even if it is just for a little while. It would be nice if you could hop back in so i we could go get drunk!

GB: Maybe some other time, which is a nice way of saying no. You have been given a gift. It bothers you to think that you will never be drunk again. It was the one way to turn off your brain so you could be free to enjoy life. Well now you can't do that anymore. Now you have a chance to learn to be free with out destroying one organ and part of another. Tim, this is the most important thing you need to do: you must learn to be free. Free from your job you hate, free from the prison you have built at home, and most of all free from that over active mind of yours. I think it is great that you can think about 4 problems at once, but to be honest you wouldn't have so many problems if you stopped thinking and start doing! Listen i wish i could stay longer and talk but i have a date, and tomorrow i am heading to South America to back pack through the Amazon. Be well my friend. I don't blame you for what happened, and you shouldn't either.

TG: But it was without question my fault.

GB: Go Back and read Chapter 5. Good bye, probably forever.

TG: Good bye.