Chapter 11: The Return Part 1

Thirteen fucking months!? I mean I knew it had been a long time but in no way did I think it had been thirteen months! Why in the world would I have gone 13 months in between blog post? I like writing on my blog. It is kind of like therapy at times and then sometimes it acts as a canister I can pour my crazy into.

My good friend Mike ask that in this Blog I explain exactly why it has been so long. He also specifically noted that he didn’t want it edited, which is to say “Tim don’t leave the juicy bits out!” Well I like Mike and I respect him so I will take his advice. Although avoiding editing might be difficult, I mean after all 13 months is a long time. There have been entire wars fought in a week! To be perfectly honest, I have no problem talking about anything and everything I have done in the past year plus, it’s the stuff I haven’t done that makes me pause and reconsider this blog idea at all. But we will get into the analyzing in a minute, first let’s do the 13 month recap!

Ok here we go!

So last year at the end of October, with the weight of my financial burden and my overall mental health at stack I decided to get another job. Debt is awful, and sometimes the worst part is looking at all these massive bills and thinking to your self: “fuck! I don’t even know what this bought me!” I own nothing but books and trinkets, nothing of real value to anyone but me. I did buy a computer but other than that I have no large ticket items to blame for my current situation. Boy it sure was frustrating. But I digress: so I went on line to all the places near me that might be looking for some extra help on nights and weekends, and after only two short weeks of searching I got a job at my local friendly Office Max! I was to start working in there copy center, I assumed making copies, which of course was the correct assumption! So I was off! Timothy Gillespie was working two jobs 60 something hours a week! I will be honest at first it was not bad at all. I kind of enjoyed having two different jobs going on. But as the year went on, the stress of the two jobs has begun to burn me out a bit. At times I have gone 3 weeks without a day off, the worse stretch was 24 days straight without a day off! By the end I could have killed an infant just for crying at a bad moment. It was what I expected it to be, in a way. You can’t argue with result though, and after this past year I am finally within striking distance of being debt free, also I have my credit score over 700, a huge accomplishment since it used to be under 500. Not to simplify the past 13 months, but that is it that is the reason for everything., or at least it was in the beginning.

In the early days of my two job adventure I was busy, whether it be at the bank answering 120 to 150 calls a day or at office max trying to learn the many ins and outs of the copy world. Busy is good, oh yeah I might complain about how busy I am and who doesn’t but as far as my overall well being is concerned, busy is the way to go. So for the first 3 to 4 months everything was actually going quite well with the plan. (I am sure I am not the only person who feels there life is plagued by the immortal “but”) But, then things began to stop, 120 to 150 calls a day went to 60 to 80 calls a day, and after I learned everything I needed to know about the copy center, well there was nothing to do but wait to copy things. Hence the return of my old archenemies: Boredom! To me boredom is the plagued of the 21st century. Ten things happen when I am bored:

1. I start thinking way to much
2. I stop speaking as much
3. I grow ever more frustrated
   
4. And short tempered
   
5. I start to become a bit of a hypochondriac (not enough to see a doctor, but enough to think I might have a diseases)
6. I become the king of procrastination ( give me two much to do and damn it I will just do it as fast as possible, give me too little and it will sit in a pile till I get “really” bored or it is past due)
7. I can no longer be funny (or at least in my opinion, with out motion there is no emotion, I lose my spontaneous wit, I just use old material to fill in. A sad thing to have to watch)
8. I eat enormous meals! I am talking 3000 calories in one sitting!
9. I don’t do anything unless I absolutely have to. ( I would consider wearing depends)
10. I just can’t stop hating Timothy Gillespie!

It is getting late, so come back tomorrow and I will finish…I promise ;-)

Chapter 10: 101 Status messages i will never post on "Facebook", but maybe on "Twitter"! Part 1!

1. Timothy Gillespie is glad he joined the Mormon religion!
2. Timothy Gillespie always feels beautiful while wearing Channel!
3. Timothy Gillespie really enjoined that meeting of the "Conservative Voters of America!" Sarah Palin gives a great speech!
4. Timothy Gillespie, the Vegan diet is going great!
5. Timothy Gillespie, It is so tiring having to date two "Victoria Secret" models at once!
6. Timothy Gillespie Loved the Tripe from last night!
7. Timothy Gillespie i am Finlay doing it everyone! I am getting Married! I am so lucky to have found Troy!
8. Timothy Gillespie is glad they still let me "Facebook" in prison!
9. Timothy Gillespie A list of reasons the "Twilight" series is better than "Lord of the Rings": number 1....
10. Timothy Gillespie I am glad i learned to love my job at the bank, that whole Theater thing was childish!
    
11. (I am going to stop writing my own name, i think you get it) That Kayne is so humble!
12. I was scarred at first but i am loving the nipple piercings! The Prince Albert on the other hand, i mean, the swelling makes me feel more confident, but the horrible pain while i pee blood is a bit unpleasant!
13. I really should listen to my parents more, they are always right! (Even if it were true i would never admit it!)
14. I really enjoyed Tom Cruise performance in the film!
15. I really enjoyed Tom Cruise in that very level headed interview.
16. I really enjoyed having sex with Tom Cruise.
17. I am being arrested for stalking Tom Cruise.
18. Well i have completely recovered from surgery! and am happy to say Timothy is dead and long live Sheryl Tompkins!
19. So happy i moved to Wisconsin!
20. I am so glad Carrot-Top won the Oscar! He deserved it this year!
21. Watching the View is the cornerstone of my existence!
22. Keanu Reeves and Gary Busey are back together again in "Point Break 2: The Search for a cure for Pancreatic Cancer!"
    
23. What too soon? ( IN relation to the previous one :)
24. Why is it i can't stop masturbating to Hillary Clinton? And do i wanna stop?
25. I love doing musicals!
26. The Holocaust is about as real, as William Shattners hair! *Just a reminder, these are status messages i will never post. keep that in mind :)
27. So i am heading out to my vacation in Burma, i will see you all when i get back!
28. Reread "War and Peace" yesterday...
29. Been training real hard for my match with Brock Lesnar next week! Wish me luck!
30. Still breathing through a straw after my fight with Brock lesnar last month, but my Doctor says that if i keep working hard i will be able to shit myself in a couple years!

That is it for now! Stay tune for part two, coming soon!

Chapter 9: The New Profile for F'in Eharmony! ;)

Here is my new profile, tell me what you think, make suggestions or maybe even create your own profile to share! Be well people! :) "Its fun to fuck around, life is to serious."

1. What are you most passionate about?

Hunting, there is nothing more exciting in this world then being alone in the woods and taking down a prize winning buck. Not to be crass but i think it might actually be better then sex. Sex is very common but a great skill is rare and takes great skill.

2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
1. H.G.C. Custom Remington 700 .280 the best rifle!
2. My ATV
3. The guys at the club, they are like brothers.

3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?

My Grandfather who taught me the joys of taxidermy.

4. The four things your friends say about you are:

• Ambitious
• Affectionate
• Spontaneous
• Passionate

5. What are your BEST life-skills?

• Leading a community service group
• Understanding local, national, and world events
• Sharing my beliefs through teaching, participation, and example

6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?

I need someone who can help organize my life, and take care of me like my mother used. Someone who finds joy in cooking and cleaning for a hardworking blue collar man. Also a kickin' bod would be pretty sweet to!

7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?

I make all my own clothes from all natural stuff, like wool cotton hemp and of course animal pelts. I am always receiving compliments on my attire.

8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?

My glass eye, nobody seems to mention it. I think it looks good, but nobody mentions it, they just avoid eye contact.

9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?

I work on my blog entitled "The White Will". That takes up allot of my time.

10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"

a. My fishing gear
b. Bacon
c. Ring dings
d. Garth Brooks
e. my thimble collection?

11. Describe the last book you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?

Glenn Beck's "Common Sense", Now there is a guy who gets it!

12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know.

I love all people and all cultures, as long as the hunt!

Chapter 8: My eharmony Profile! part I

You may find this hard to believe but I occasionally fall victim to those very human emotions that doom all the rest of you. I know you are shocked to learn this. Well a few months ago I was feeling lonely, and in feeling lonely i decided to give one of those fancy web dating services a try. I choice Eharmony because it seemed the most interesting with it's supposed personality test and so forth. Well after a few months in i can safely say that this site is a huge waste of money and also that everyone in America really only cares about looks. Not that this was news to me, but people will often argue this point with me and no matter the evidence i leave piled at there feet they insist on disputing it, never the less, this is my eharmony profile:

1. What are you most passionate about?

All forms of art, whether it be writing, music, or any performance style. Being involved in the creative process is very important to me and is what i live for. i also love spending time with my nieces and nephews, and trying to teach my self to live a healthier life.

2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
1. The many opportunities to work in the theater with some very talented people
2. My many friends
3. My amazing nieces and nephews.

3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?

My mentors in the theater, who are always pushing me to do my best and work harder each and every time.

4. The four things your friends say about you are:

• Intelligent
• Perceptive
• Good Listener
• Funny

5. What are your BEST life-skills?

• Using humor to make friends laugh
• being a good friend and companion
• making art and culture an ongoing part of my life

6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?

A passion for something, it doesn't matter what as long as they are into it heart and soul. also a sense of humor, it is very important to be able to laugh when spending time with me.

7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?

My height or would that be part of appearance? My sense of humor, and my understanding nature.

8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?

My big heart

9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?

I enjoy spending my free time watching or playing sports with friends. I also enjoy reading, or watching a great movie. I also enjoy going out with friends, enjoying music and just talking.

10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"

a. The theater
b. my family
c. my friends
d. music
e. my thimble collection?

11. Describe the last book you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?

Not really a book, but the last thing i read was Hamlet, for the 100th time. What can i say about the greatest play ever written other then: i find something new and wonderful in it every time i read it. What a Masterpiece.

12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know.

I am tougher than you would think, but also nicer.


So OK this was the profile i had going for me, and let's be honest it sucks. This is not me at all. Maybe some weird family friendly G-rated version of Timothy Gillespie, but no where near the truth. So give it a good read and leave comments because tomorrow i am changing the profile to really reflect who i am. Because in the end it doesn't matter at all. If I put a picture up i get no responses, or at least no responses from women under 35. But when i take off my picture i get quite a few responses, the problem they then ask for a picture and when i share one it is over. Oh well ti was never a great plan. lol. Talk to you tomorrow.

PS- anyone who might think of writing in because i sound like i am being really self deprecating with the whole picture thing, don't. I am in no way upset about it, i have never been photogenic and i am much thicker skinned then to be offended by the people on Eharmony.

Chapter 7: A conversation with my Gall Bladder!

GB: This place is filthy! When was the last time you came in here?

TG: It has been a year. A lot has happened since then. You used to be inside of me.

GB: Yeah well those days are over now, sorry. Should i be sorry? I am not really sure, this is all very weird.

TG: I know, it is weird for me too. But i feel i need to reconcile some things, and you are the best ...person to help me do that.

GB: Wow, that is deep. I don't really know what i can do for you. I am just a symbol, well no, actually i was once a small pouch that sat for 32 years under your liver, but now i am a symbol for your mistakes. Oh! so that is what you want to talk about, your mistakes.

TG: No, actually i am quiet through talking about my mistakes. I have spent all my life talking at great length about my mistakes, and it has changed nothing. No i want to talk about, nothing.

GB: Nothing?

TG: Yes, nothing.

GB: Makes perfect sense, in all the time you have talked about everything you have done nothing. So you figure if you talk about nothing you will do everything. It will never work.

TG: Why?

GB: You Know why.

TG: I don't, not anymore.

GB: It always bothered me when you would play dumb. You are to smart for tricks Tim. You are not one to fall for reverse psychology or any other trick your self into doing the right thing, plan.

TG: Where have you been?

GB: Yeah, a subject change is a good idea, things are getting to heavy. After i was removed, i was brought down to the medical waste disposal area, or what ever they call it. They had intended to put me in a plastic bag and dump me into the "Special" trash when i just left.

TG: You just left?

GB: Yeah. It was a busy day in the hospital that day, people were in and out all afternoon. Nobody was going to notice if i just walked out the door.

TG: Wow! Where did you go then?

GB:Europe. I felt it was going to be hard for me to find acceptance here in America so i went to Europe. Spent most of my time in France. Beautiful country, and the people there get a bad rap, they are OK. I mean someone of them are assholes but you can say they same thing about New York!

TG: God, is that true. I would love to go someday.

GB: You should, but you never will.

TG: What, why not.

GB: Because you spend too much time thinking and planing, you are far from impulsive. I don't say this as an insult, quiet the contrary actually. Even when you seemingly make a rash decision it something you have thought about, you just think fast.

TG: I suppose. Well i am glad you stopped back even if it is just for a little while. It would be nice if you could hop back in so i we could go get drunk!

GB: Maybe some other time, which is a nice way of saying no. You have been given a gift. It bothers you to think that you will never be drunk again. It was the one way to turn off your brain so you could be free to enjoy life. Well now you can't do that anymore. Now you have a chance to learn to be free with out destroying one organ and part of another. Tim, this is the most important thing you need to do: you must learn to be free. Free from your job you hate, free from the prison you have built at home, and most of all free from that over active mind of yours. I think it is great that you can think about 4 problems at once, but to be honest you wouldn't have so many problems if you stopped thinking and start doing! Listen i wish i could stay longer and talk but i have a date, and tomorrow i am heading to South America to back pack through the Amazon. Be well my friend. I don't blame you for what happened, and you shouldn't either.

TG: But it was without question my fault.

GB: Go Back and read Chapter 5. Good bye, probably forever.

TG: Good bye.

Chapter 6: A Love Letter to "Star Trek"

Dear Star Trek,
You might not remember me, but my name is Timothy. We met for the first time a long ago, i was just 4 or 5 at the time but you made a lasting impression on me. I am 31 now and had a crazy life, there have been lots of ups and downs, and i am happy to say more ups then downs. And for all of those times you have been there for me. It won't be easy for me to try and express how much you have meant to me, but i am going to try, because i know soon with the eventually premiere of the new "Star Trek" movie, my love might fade. So before our time is through please just listen.
It wasn't too often when i was child that i got to spend allot of time with my father, he was a cop and often worked nights and would have days off during the week when i was at school, but there was once a week when we would get together to watch reruns of your original series, on channel 11. This was some of my favorite times, we would laugh at the banter between Spock and McCoy, and my father would reassure me that no matter how bad the situation was that Capt. Kirk would find away out of it. When the films premiered throughout the 80's and into the 90's, it was like special holidays. Except when Star Trek 5 came out, that was like a holiday when your grandmother drops dead at the table, Right on top of the turkey. It was a great time for me. Later on when your new children appeared it was like our family was growing. Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, and Voyager, all unique and special in there own way, but still kept the soul of the original live and well.
Within, the community of "Star Trek" fandom there is a brotherhood, and although we are looked at as outcast by mainstream society, we know that we are never alone. So all you Trekkie's or trekkers out there, let me just say i salute you all, and look forward to when we can all be beamed up together.

With sincerest Love
Timothy Gillespie

PS - If JJ Abrams fucks up Star Trek with his new movie i will be the one to cut of his head, Klingon style! "Cloverfield" sucked.

Chapter 5: 10 Things you should do and one thing you must do before it's over. (Whatever that means to you.)

This blog is dedicated to all the people who actually love me.
You folks have unique tastes. :)

Whether it happens tomorrow or 50 years from now, it will all be over. These are ten things that you should do, and one thing you must do before that moment:

1. Help someone just because its the right thing to do. Fuck karma! Karma is all about doing things so that the universe will reward you, fuck that! Help someone simply because they need help, not so you will go to heaven or win the lottery, that's selfish.

2. Part one: Listen to someones life story. Make sure they have had a long one and don't let then skimp on the details.
Part 2: Tell someone who is not a relative your life story, make sure you have a long one and don't skimp on the details.

3. Do something that will get you chased! Hard to fake that level of adrenaline! Plus you will needs this for number 2.

4. Write a love letter, and make sure it is delivered to its intended recipient.

5. Cry. Pain is better then numb.

6. Force yourself to laugh to hard, applaud to loud, and cry too much during a live performance. After awhile you will realize your not forcing yourself, you just stopped being an asshole and are letting yourself have fun.

7. Be honest...you're scarred.

8. Admit that you are wrong, and mean it.

9. Sleep outside, with nothing but the cloths on your back. The earth is our Mother, and sometimes when it hurts to much, it's good to let her hold you.

10. Come to terms with the fact that you are going to die, and be OK with that.

...and the one thing you must do: forgive! Forgive me, forgive your parents, forgive your friends, forgive the government, forgive your enemies, forgive nature, forgive God, but most of all forgive yourself...especial if it was your fault.